The inevitable

A flood of emotions is pouring through me this morning. Maybe because I just gave birth four days ago. Although the reasons for this emotion this morning is that I can't stop the inevitable. Macy is going to grow and not stay little forever. I know, I have two other kids, I should expect this, but maybe it is the fact that I know Macy is our last. I will never have a tiny baby again and it is with that I am so sad.

As you all know, my kiddos are not small. Cole could pass as a teenager, Merrick as a kindergartner and what do I expect, neither Tom nor I are small people. Both Cole and Merrick came out of the womb eating, eating, and eating. Again, I should have known, they spent 9 months getting nourished from their mommies addiction--food. So, their bellies were used to eating. Macy was different-she didn't eat much her first 24 hours (now I realize it must have had to do with swallowing so much fluid before/during birth). She was on a great schedule the last three days. She would eat 2 ozs. every 4 hours. I didn't want to go over this and wanted to keep to this schedule-until last night. She got hungry earlier and didn't seem satisfied after just 2 ozs. She was cranky and crying more than I had ever seen her in the hours/days prior. I got her to sleep and didn't think much of it until our night feedings-her 5:00 one came and she wasn't happy after eating. I rocked, burped, changed diaper, Merrick sang, but still nothing calmed her. She was sucking hard on her binky and even that didn't seem to suffice, so I broke down and gave her another ounce-low and behold she is back sleeping now. I realized at that moment, I can't be selfish and hold this kiddo back. I have never been one to follow the books guidelines-I have always fed my babies on need rather than watching the clock. With Macy I was trying to watch the clock and although it took 4 days, I realize I need to be ok with her gaining weight and to listen to her demand. She will always be my baby no matter what!